Pareidolia Project Day 35

"Taking a Dip"

Ingredients:
French dip sandwich
Au jus
Macaroni salad

There are three secrets to a perfect French dip. First, have bread with a hard outer crust and a good sandwich shape. I use baguette because it's really cheap and perfect for this job.
Second, have a good cut of meat. I had a roast from the previous night that was served just above "alive" in terms of how well done it was. Slice that shit THIN. Like, paper thin if you can. Shave it.
Third, au jus. I use a mix (cheap, easy) and throw my extremely thin shaved beef in the pan. Then I add some onions, mushrooms and rosemary. Let the beef sit in there long enough to make it hot, and then pour some au jus through a strainer into a mug/cup/whatever.
You can also add corn starch and flour to au jus mix and make it into a fast ad-hoc gravy. Way easier than fucking around with a hot broiler pan and a whisk. Just boil water, add mix, adjust to consistency, the end. A sauce will make or break a dish very easily.

Pareidolia Project Day 34

"A Little Crazy"
January 29, 2011

Ingredients:
Cucumber sandwiches and macaroni salad

"Owls"
January 29, 2011

Ingredients:
Beef roast
Generic boxed rice with added frozen vegetables
Garden salad with beets
Horse radish

I hate owls. They are screeching demon spawn and Futurama totally got it right.

Pareidolia Project Day 32

"Tuna Salad Autopsy"
January 27, 2011

Pareidolia Project Day 31

"Roast Beef Bouquet"
January 26, 2011

Ingredients:
Half a sandwich (roast beef)
Mixed greens and cottage cheese
Tomato and green onion (flowers).

Pareidolia Project Day 28

"Roast Beef Ninja"
January 23, 2011

Ingredients:
Roast beef sandwich
Potato salad from leftover potatoes previous night. Add pickle, mustard and mayonnaise.

"One does not see the sandwich assassins unless the sandwich assassins want to be seen, and by then, it is too late." Proverb of the lunch ronin.

Of course my mom didn't see this. IT'S A FREAKIN' NINJA!

Pareidolia Project Day 27

"Velociraptor Meatloaf on Sourdough"
January 22, 2011

Ingredients:
Leftover meatloaf (including bacon)
Sourdough

I wanted the viewer to experience the sheer terror of the little bacon man as he realizes that velociraptor meatloaf sandwiches were going to soon overtake the island. More importantly, He realized he was going to be the next one to go. There is no escaping this ultimate predator that time disregarded. For him, it was the end.

Mom was busy watching TV. No mention of a face, just "thanks".

Pareidolia Project Day 21

"Salad Hiding in the Land of Sandwiches"
January 16, 2011

Ingredients:
Grilled cheese with turkey and tomato
Mixed Greens
Pickle
Jalapeno and chopped black olive (eyes)
Cottage cheese with salsa

This was a fairly light lunch of a small salad and half a sandwich. Mom didn't notice this, which is exactly what the salad was hoping for. Dinner, however was a far more serious matter.

"Angry Potato Odin and his Green Bean Beard"
January 16, 2011

Ingredients:
Potatoes. Thin sliced and baked in layers with cream, jalapeno, butter and seasonings. Not quite scalloped, but not quite not, either.
Sour cream
Pearl onions and chopped black olive
French cut green beans with onion and Tabasco.

I do cook vegetarian food on occasion. This is especially true in times when I need to save money, because most veggies are really cheap. I think a ten-pound bag of potatoes is a particularly good investment for cooking on a budget. Potatoes are very versatile, nutritious, and tasty. They also make for a good head of hair on the mighty Odin. Mom noticed Odin, but could not gauge his expression, referring to him once again as a face.

Pareidolia Project Day 16

"Pac-Man on Cottage Cheese"
January 10, 2011

Ingredients:
Tuna fish on very large, thick bread. This factor seems to outweigh the previous policy.
Cottage cheese
Tomato
Pearl onion
Pepperoncini with chopped black olive

She didn't notice this. Pop culture is of no interest to my mom. I think that's why she hates Family Guy so much.

Pareidolia Project Day 12

"Tuna Muppet is Dismayed by Cottage Cheese Volcano"
January 6, 2011

Ingredients:
Tuna fish mix*
White bread
Cottage cheese
Kosher dill pickle
Pearl onion (with a bit of chopped black olive for the eye)

*This changes frequently, but can typically include any combination of the following: mayonnaise, sour cream, yellow and/or whole grain mustard, kosher dill pickle, jalapeno, pearl onion, hard-boiled egg, black olive, wasabai sauce, white or green onion, cranberries, etc. It may be safe to say I have not made tuna fish twice the same way in a long time. Choose your own tuna recipe.

So, my mom has this policy whenever she makes tuna fish. She will make a sandwich and a half for me every time she makes me a tuna sandwich. One time, I made the mistake of making only one sandwich for her. It was on very large bread, but she did seem to want to nitpick it. This policy does not apply to other sandwiches, just tuna.
I was trying to decide what to do with a plate full of tuna sandwich halves, when I remembered something somebody had said about doing a face in profile. I thought that was a great idea, so this was my first attempt at doing so. I had questions as to what to do with the pickle. I considered making the sandwich look like Gonzo, but I reconsidered.

Due to the items I use mostly taking the form of googly eyes, I frequently refer to the representatives in the food as "muppets".

Pareidolia Project Day 10

"Señor del bigote de la salmuera, Cortar la carne de cabeza Torta"
January 4, 2011

Ingredients:
1:) Sandwich
Spiral-cut ham
Turkey cold cuts
Cheese
Mayonnaise
Tomato
Mixed greens
Onion
Green olive
Cilantro (eyebrows)

2:) Black bean hummus
Black beans
Cilantro
Garlic
Tahini
Olive oil
Salt/pepper
Cumin
Pita bread
Kosher dill pickle
Pepperoncini

This guy had kind of a cholo mustache, so his title is in Spanish and as accurate as I could make it. Mom wanted an un-toasted club sandwich that day, but I couldn't find a good translation for "club sandwich", so it became "meat cut sandwich".

She didn't see the face this time. It kind of bothered me at the time, because she wasn't asking things like "why are there two cilantro leaves on top of my sandwich?", but I guess she could have just seen it as a garnish. I stopped garnishing food about two months after I moved back in with her.

Pareidolia Project Day 3

"Choking Muppet Sandwich"
December 27, 2010.

Ingredients:
Ham
Onion
Tomato
Mustard
Cheese
Whole wheat bread
Pearl Onion
Jalapeno


She didn't notice this one either, but she did say it was "fancy-shmancy". I was presuming this was because there were onions outside the bread.